Friday, October 29, 2004

Time to move on

Two years ago I "met" the sweetest, funniest, wittiest, smartest person online. He's very malambing, matalino and good looking. He had deep dimples and light brown eyes. His voice was very calm and soothing. I was attracted to him instantly. After 2 weeks and 3 days we became a couple. To me he was perfect. He fit the description of my ideal man, the one I've been praying for. I fell deeply inlove with him. Even my Mom loved him! They talked on the phone a few times before he left for the Middle East.
In my heart he was the one. He told me I was his life and that someday we would be together forever. Someday... It never happened, it will never happen...
He was living a lie, living a double life. I guess I was just his past time.
I do not regret loving him, giving him the love and attention I gave him. I would have given up everything for him, actually I did give up a lot of things for him. I had friends who got upset when spent more time with him than with them. Actually, I had more reasons not to go out with them and it's not just him but they would never understand me. I sacrificed a lot for him.
Unfortunately, he's so good at lying that he himself believes the lies he says, he lives and breathes his lies like they were true.
Do I regret loving him? No. Do I regret doing all those sacrifices for him? No. Was I stupid to have given him my love and trust? No. You get into a relationship giving your partner 100% trust, that's what I did. I didn't have any reason to doubt him, he was good to me and all I felt was love from him. I took the risk, it felt good for a while till I learned the truth. He broke my heart but he didn't break my spirit. I will not allow myself to wallow in self pity or think that I will never fall inlove again. It would be hard for me to get attracted to a new guy since he's my "benchmark" but I believe that I would meet someone worthy of my love. I value myself too much to allow myself to waste my life thinking about him.
It's our anniversary today, I forgot all about this event but my calendar sent me the announcement. I forgot to delete the announcement that reminded of the painful past, but it doesn't hurt as much anymore. I already got my closure. I'm doing fine.
Calendar reminder: Congratulations! You're finally moving on!

12 comments:

Cerridwen said...

Congratulations ate Fions... :)

Tanggero said...

2 weeks and 3 days, wow pakipot ka pala, hehehe. Sabi nga nila, pag nagmahal ka, magtira ka para sa sarili mo.

HanAgiRL said...

well, at least it was good while it lasted. Not to worry, there's someone else out there for you. Glad to hear that you're moving on :) You go girl!

Huseng Busabos said...

Sabi nga ng iba
"It is better to love and lost, than never to love at all." Memories like this will make you a stronger and wiser person.

Walanjo - ke aga-aga (dito sa amin) tamang Rey Valera o Varela, (kahirap naman, Basil Valdez o Valdes - tarangya, dibale Marco Sison nalang) - ako ngayon ah! Cheers!!!!!
Btw - naglagay na ako ng shoutbox!

Arrow-N said...

"I already got my closure. I'm doing fine."...mabuti naman you're moving on. :)

Ate Sienna said...

tama yan, fionski... i dont think you had did anything wrong, you trusted, you loved, you gave it your best. walang pwedeng ipuna sa ginawa mo. kung sinira ng kabilang parte ang pagtitiwala mo, problema at kasalanan nila un.

no regrets, diba, sister?

Arrow-N said...

(A friend sent me this some time ago)

I Learn To Be Strong
by Felicia

Words of wisdom
come to my ears,
Telling me what I know in my heart,
But never wanted to hear.

With the truth finally said
and out in the open for me to plainly see,
I wonder why I can love so deeply
but never had that love returned back to me.

I confessed the feelings
that I held inside for so long,
But with his soft- hearted rejection,
I realize I have to be strong.

With tears that want to flow
from my eyes,
I feel that my heart,
along with my composure, slowly dies.

While this dramatic side is showing through
with my ability to question and reason,
I think I may have found
something in me that I can believe in.

Love hurts . . .
That's what they all say,
But I will love again
when all this pain and sorrow goes away.

So I sit and think of all the things
this situation has cost,
And I realize that nothing
very important has been lost.

Instead, a learning experience
has come from all this.
I've learned that hardly anything
is more important than my happiness.

fionski said...

Maraming salamat po sa mga nagbigay words of encouragement: Cerridwen, Tanggerbeads, Hanagirl, Huseng Busabos, Arrown-N, Ate Shenanigans.

Happy Holloween sa lahat!

Arrow-N said...

and to you also :)

MommyBa said...

Ang sarap ng feeling pag nasabi mo na sa sarili mo na: "Finally, I'm moving on!" Pero ewan ko ba kung bakit minsan kahit na nakapag-move on ka na, marami pa ring bagay na makikita ka na magpapaalala sa 'yo about the person. Weird pero talagang nangyayari! Hay buhay!

fionski said...

I know what you mean Liz, like seeing the ex of your ex or his current, mga common friends nyo. Syet! Kahit anong ayos ng buhay mo pag may nakita ka na reminder ng past mo nasisira diskarte mo. Hehehe!

Anonymous said...

Sorry po for popping out of nowhere but I can't help but sympathize with you. you're right there we should never regret loving someone even though they turn-out undeserving of that great love. at least you've shown that you're capable of loving that much. marami kasi d'yan hindi marunong magmahal o magpakita ng pagmamahal. it usually takes time to heal but I'm glad that you're moving on. time will come na lilingunin mo 'to ng wala ng mararamdamang sakit o panghihinayang. only then then you can say that you are completely healed.