Monday, August 11, 2008

Heartbreak

I had to bring 3 big and heavy boxes to my relatives because another relative ordered these stuff for them. I was kinda upset and tired. The boxes were heavy and bulky. On my way there nag stop over pa yung cabbie to get gas. I wanted to berate him but I controlled myself. I was thinking baka i-overcharge pa nya ako kse most taxis have meters that are madaya. Good thing ok ang metro nya so nabawasan ang inis ko.

As soon as I reached the place, my Aunt greeted me warmly. I kissed her and went directly to check on my Lola. I do not know if she recognized me but she did ask me when I arrived, her usual spiel. I then went to the next room and I saw one cousin with her kids. She was holding
her newborn. I carried the newborn and fed her and burped her so my cousin could take a shower and go to church.

By this time malamig na ulo ko. I enjoyed holding the small baby in my arms. She smelled nice and she seemed to enjoy sleeping in my arms. Another cousin greeted me and I told her about the stuff I brought. She was touched by my other relative's gesture and she kept saying ang bait nya. Gumanda na mood ko because of this. I thought my sacrifice was small, the fact that my relatives appreciate the items that my other relative bought for them was enough to make me happy.
I went to his room when my cousing brought his food. He lost weight and looks older. I kissed him and told him I brought some stuff from abroad sent by another relative. He acknowledged me, his voice was weak. I did not want to stay long insde the room, I felt akward but my cousin insisted I stay and we chatted for a while. My sister called while we were in the room, she spoke with my cousin first then talked to me briefly. She asked me how she is, I could not speak because I felt I would burst into tears.

When my other cousin arrived, we had lunch together. Right after lunch, I told everyone I had to leave. As I was preparing myself, my cousin informed me to say goodbye to him. I was not expecting this, I usually leave without saying goodbye because he would be asleep by the time I leave. So nagpaalam ako. As I approached him, he held out his hand and held my hand and kissed it while I kissed his forehead. Nagulat ako. I just left at once baka doon pa ako sa looob ng room humagulgol.

I called my Mom and told her about this, she cried. We both cried. She told me he loved me the most, I told her I know he does, never doubted this. My Mom told my Dad what I told her. He left the room and cied alone.

I just hope he knows I love him too. I can't tell him verbally because I;m afraid to break down and cry. I do not want him to see me cry or get emotional. I do not want to see him sad.

I plan to cook his favorite pinakbet this coming weekend. I hope he gets to eat a lot this weekend.

8 comments:

Mari said...

your lolo? sad to hear about his condition. i hope and pray for his fast recovery.

Nyl said...

i hope you feel better now...

take care my fren.

JD Cruz said...

Hi Fionski,

Your latest post explains your long absence from the blogosphere.

fight on!

watson said...

I feel for you.

An said...

after reading this entry, i can't help but cry. at times we tend to appear too strong for others to see but deep inside we are wallowing...

been through that and i think i am still grieving.

but hold on... fight on...

let us know if he likes your pinakbet

grifter said...

mmmm ... pinakbet.


stay strong, ate fiona.

jc smith said...

Hi Fionski,

I hope things are better now. Better tell him your love while there's time. Trust me, the question "What if" is one of the most difficult to answer.

dphatgirl said...

so sorry i haven't been blog-hopping lately. hope you're ok, ate, and i hope your relative gets better too. (dadufalza ba o lising?)